Dear, Most Awesome Chicago Police Officer

The time was around midnight this past Thursday night and I was on my way to a friend’s house in the city.

We had trekked onward from our stronghold in the suburbs and progressed both with mindfulness of the law and speed limit as well as an ill placed aggression that is the norm with Chicago drivers.

As the density of police officers grew steadily while the number of country clubs dwindled, we knew we were getting closer and awaited the dread that is motoring in traffic under the watchful gaze of the surveillance cameras in Chicago that come equipped with a perfectly chilling pulsating blue light, there just to remind you that you are indeed being monitored.

My Day With Dipping Tobacco: Not A Good Idea

I have used dip twice in my life and this is the story of the first; it will make you realize I am an idiot for doing it another time.

Dip, not to be confused with chewing tobacco, is a nasty looking mass of tobacco and nicotine delivery systems (read: broken glass) packed inside a container the size of a tuna can. It carries a rather pleasant aroma that reminds one of candy, as if the tobacco industry needed any more reason to be accused of attracting more customers. The method of using dip is to take a pinch of the mass and place it between your bottom lip and teeth while sucking said mass of tobacco and spitting out the black juice produced. Remember, I did this twice.